近來在社團上看到一位媽媽抒發女兒不理媽媽,晚歸也不告知的心情,讓我情不自禁的望著只有一歲多的孩子接著心裡五味雜陳,想到未來她一天一天地長大,等到有一天突然告訴我:「媽 不要再管我了!」「不要再煩我了!」之類的話。當下鐵定很錯愕
當她不再讓我參與她生活的點滴、不再讓我知道她的喜怒哀樂時,把我隔絕在外時,媽媽心理有說不出的傷心和空洞,要抓著也不是、要放手也不是
但其實自己不也是曾經有過那段叛逆的時期?
年少時也渴望自由的甜美,從父母的約束中解脫、奔向世界,對於任何管教都覺得是種控制!
態度不耐煩,也不知道讓父母煩惱多少次了,現在為人父母了才了解父母的感受,但對自己的孩子說放手也不容易。
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現在孩子還小,吃喝拉撒都得聽我們的,也是為了建立良好生活作息和習慣,但時間一天一天的過去,
總得慢慢練習斷捨離(放手)那些控制啊~你們的將來是屬於你們的,而我也會有我自己的將來⋯
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一個懷中抱著孩子的婦人說,對我們說說孩子吧。
於是他說:
你的孩子並不是你的。
他們是「生命」對他自身的渴慕所生的子女。
他們經你而生,卻不是你所造生。
他們與你相伴,但是並不屬於你。
你可以給他們你的愛,卻非你的思想。
因為他們擁有自己的思想。
你只能圈囿他們的身體而非靈魂,
因為他們的靈魂寓居在明日的住所中,而那是非你所能觀覽的地方,甚至不在你的夢中。
你可以盡力去模仿他們,但是不要指望他們會和你相像。
因為生命是不倒行的,也不會在昨日停留。
你是弓,而你的孩子是從弦上射發的生命的箭矢。
那射手看到了無盡路上的標靶,於是他用神力將你扯滿,讓他的箭急馳遠射。
你應在射手的掌中感到歡欣;
因為他愛飛去的箭矢,也愛靜存於掌中的彎弓。
—語出紀伯倫《先知》
And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, Speak to us of Children.
And he said:
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the Archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrows that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.
—Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet